Gothar was just a small town on the island of Lodop, in which just houses and shops lay. And the haunted castle of Drome. Ravens always circled the misty place. It was always stormy around there, even the other birds never tweeted around there. All anyone heard was creaking noises, and the sound of cannons being fired. And the ravens. It was defended by gargoyles, dead trees and a huge gate, three metres high.
One night, one dark night, the shortest night of the year, he decided to go into Drome. As he went through the tall gates and frozen gargoyles, he was in the moonlight. It was winter and he was casting a long shadow. With him he was holding an ancient map of the castle, like a labyrinth, like a maze, like just something to get lost forever in. He passed a graveyard, heard a mad scientist, saw a bright light coming from the dungeon and then the ghosts came out of their crooked grave.
The ghosts all seemed like familiar people... people that have died at 12:34:56. Legend also said that there was a mad scientist that died at the time: 12:34:56. And these faces looked like brave, courageous people... who didn’t believe that Drome was haunted... who decided to try their luck... who failed in staying alive while exploring the deep deep depths of the dungeon.
His heart froze as the mist started to swirl around him and the gate started to creak louder and louder and then the gate shut loudly as it echoed round the haunted place. The mad scientist laughed hysterically as the storm started to get louder and then he heard a big thump. He froze in terror as he turned around and stared at... Sarah, his best friend, who just made it into Drome as the gate mysteriously shut.
Sarah cried,
“What the heck are you doing??? This is Drome... no-one’s ever survived! Now the gate’s shut and we can’t get out.”
But he argued:
“I have a drill.”
“Well use it then.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Ye-” and the mad scientist laughed yet another mad laugh. They heard a ghost murmur “Don’t, or the gate will chase you into the dark dark depths of the haunted dungeon.” Sarah stared back at a lamppost in the town. All they had with them was a mobile phone. They called the police, the firemen and the ambulance, but all of them refused to come.
Just then, a boy running nearby accidentally touched the gate... and it sprung to life. The mad scientist laughed and the gate started chasing us into the castle. He quickly pulled out the ancient map told us to run upstairs, even though the map advised not to. They quickly dashed upstairs and the storm raged on further. He and Sara, going as fast as their legs would carry them, were terrified the fact that the supernatural was actually real and had come to life at Drome, as the haunted castle was so perilous in the way that it was so scary, and even compared to a nightmare, it was even scarier.
When they got to the top floor, the roof started to tumble on them, and the gate went downstairs. The big, grey, rocky roof came down on them like a cave falling down with them inside. They cried for help, but they only made it even worse. The mad scientist laughed yet another mad loud laugh and then the ground disappeared beneath their feet so they went tumbling at a very huge speed into the very dark depths of the dungeon. Then they blacked out.
Nothing was heard more with him and Sarah. Some say they drowned, some say they went into Drome, got chased by the abnormal gate and fell into the deep deep depths of the dungeon, where the mad scientist there killed them at the time 12:34:56.
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very good story however who is this person would his description make the story any more scary
ReplyDeleteThe first Paragraph caught my attention immediately making it very engaging, good use of gothic elements in the beginning such as Gargoyles and Ravens. Although it gets predictable as soon as you mentioned 12:34:56 in the second paragraph and the Mad Scientist. Your Punctuation is accurate until you spelt Sara instead of Sarah. Tension starts too build up during paragraph 3. Maybe you could suggest which timeline this was in, and maybe put more of a mystery behind it.
ReplyDeleteThe first paragraph was really really good. It caught my attention immediately. i think that the story had an amazing idea and i give it a well done
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